A.M. Dittman(Head Elf, All The Girls Hate Me at West Haddock High, Superhero Issues) is a nonhuman entity created by 5 super intelligent otherworldly creatures and one dummy. He/she doesn’t exist according to the CIA, FBI, NASA, FEMA, OSHA, SCOTUS, POTUS, and The Coast Guard. A.M. doesn’t care. He/she writes plays and sometimes fortune cookie fortunes but never notes of apology. Dittman is a lover of kitties and resides in a blimp which ceaselessly hovers over football games and beaches. Should you wish to send fan mail to A.M. Dittman, place your fawning message in a sealed bottle and toss into any large body of water. Dittman is on good relations with merpeople and will receive the message in three to five days or four to six nights. Although A.M. technically has no home planet, parents or home, he/she is fond of Sector 9 planets and gives regular rocketship tours for interested parties. To sign up for space excursions, please drop a note in a bottle along with your gushing fan missive and cc Stage Partners. Please do not cc David Lynch. He’s tired of this crap.